Hey you,

Pillow Talk is your 5 minute read on how to enjoy your sex life whilst cultivating a healthy, confident and pleasurable relationship. At the bottom you’ll find:

• 1 thing to try

• 2 questions to ponder

• 3 pieces of content we’re loving

• Bonus: a downloadable ebook with 4 exercises to try this week

• How I can support you enjoy your sex and relationships more 💞

Action Over Motion

Are you trying to make a change in your life? Do you feel like you’re putting in a lot of effort but seeing no results? Could it be you’re prioritising motion over action?

James Clear, the author of New York Times bestseller, Atomic Habits, coined the idea, ‘Action over Motion’. Below, we dive into the difference between the two and how this idea relates to your sex life.

Motion

Preparing, strategising and learning - helpful but won’t create a result.

I love motion, I’m the queen of motion. Diving into a fascinating business book, listening to hours of political podcasts, building complex financial models that project the future potential of Ferly and browsing my favourite sex educators on Instagram for content ideas. All this activity fills my time and keeps me busy. I feel productive and my mind feels expanded! However, whilst some of this activity is important, maybe even necessary, none of it actually produces a result. It doesn’t make me a political activist, it doesn’t lead to more revenue for the business and it won’t write this newsletter.

Motion can be necessary but at some point, to get to our desired results we have to move into action. Differentiating between the two, and being honest with ourselves when we’re in each phase is critical to our progress.

Action

Behaviours that deliver outcomes and get us the results we desire.

Action is actually doing the thing. It’s when we move from the planning, strategising and learning phase and start changing our behaviours. For example, last year I went on a silent meditation retreat and it was truly life changing. In the months that followed I knew I wanted to develop a regular meditation practice so I bought a subscription to Calm, got a membership at Open, a studio local to me, and even read a book on mindfulness - all of this is motion! I did all the things except the behaviour that would actually result in the desired result - sitting down and meditating. Finally, after opening a James Clear newsletter, I realised I was stuck in motion. I closed my email, opened the Calm app and completed a 15 minute meditation. Since then, I’ve consistently shown up twice weekly to Open and meditated in community. Would I like it to be seven days a week, yes. But at least I’m finally taking action and not stuck in motion.

Are you stuck in motion? If yes, what is the action you need to start taking to hit your desired result?

Why do we get stuck in motion?

Fear of Failure.

Fear is such a powerful emotion and failure is a state we actively seek to avoid. Motion helps us feel like we’re moving toward our goals without having to truly put ourselves out there - it lures us in to a false sense of progress.

Here are some examples that might relate to your sex life:

• I want to meet someone so I’ll set up a profile on Hinge and start a few conversations (motion) but I won’t actually go on the date (action).

• I’m experiencing pain during sex so I’ll go and see my doctor (motion) but I won’t do the PT exercises they give me (action).

• I really lack confidence in bed so I’ll read articles on how to give better blow jobs (motion) but I won’t work with a coach to unpack my core beliefs (action).

• I’d like to improve the communication in my relationship so keep sending my partner Instagram videos on the topic (motion) instead of sitting down and having a conversation about my needs (action).

1 Thing to Try This Week

“Good things come to those who wait”. When it comes to your relationships and your sex life, I disagree. I believe good things come to those who put in the effort, are intentional about what they are creating and aren’t afraid to ask for help along the way.

This week, download our free Relationship Activity Book. It’s been lovingly created with 4 easy, playful and intimate exercises designed to help you reignite your relationship.

We’re building an online resource store where we’ll start to sell these ebooks but right now, we’re giving them away for free to you, our OG readers. Make sure you download and save them now so you don’t miss out on the freebie.

2 Questions to Ponder

1. When it comes to your sex life, what are you doing that could be seen as motion?

2. What is one behaviour you can change to move you from motion to action this week?

3 Read/Watch/Listens

▶️ Reclaiming Female Sexuality - this is phenomenal research about the power of female peer groups when it comes to improving women’s sex lives.

👀 Ask The Doctor - a nerdy read on why older folk don’t seek help from their doctor when it comes to sex. The reasons transcend ages in my experience!

📚 Taking Action - read it from the master himself, James Clear

Have a pleasurable week folks, and as always, please reply to this email if you have any questions. 🌞

xxx Billie xxx

_{I’m Billie, a certified Holistic Health Coach, Sex Educator and author of a soon to be released sexual wellness manual with Penguin, TedX Speaker, and co-founder of Ferly (where we’ve helped 500,000 folk improve their intimate lives).}

_{I work with men and women that are tired of their intimate lives causing conflict and stress. If you find it difficult prioritising sex and relationships but desperately want things to change, I can help.} 

_{How I can help you:}

✨ _{1:1 Coaching}

_{My most comprehensive online coaching programme.}

_{We’ll work together in a compassionate way to uncover the root cause of your problems before experimenting with evidence based tools and techniques that will transform your sex life and help you cultivate deeply intimate and satisfying relationships.}

_{🪻Nurturing Desire}

_{Our flagship group coaching programme.}

_{Nurturing Desire is delivered in a peer to peer format where you’ll benefit from the incredible power of open, shame-free conversations, with other women walking a similar path.}

_{❣️Drop In Sessions}

_{Designed to give you a lifeline when everything feels a little overwhelming.}

_{A 90 minute online session to help you get your head above the water when you need it most. I’m here to support you even if you can’t commit to a longer programme.}