Hey cool cats 👋

Here’s your biweekly dose of Pillow Talk - your 5(ish) minute read on how to have a healthy, confident and pleasurable life. Having dived into some of the mental and emotional aspects of sex and intimacy with y’all over the last month, I thought I’d mix it up and give you some tips to play around with your kissing game. 😘

Kissing’s actually kinda weird – so why do we do it?

Whilst we’re not entirely sure why we kiss as a species, there are a couple of theories floating around in the scientific community.

Evolutionary psychologist Dr. Gordon Gallup suggests that kissing evolved to help us with mate selection. “Males tend to kiss as a means of gaining sexual favours, or as a means of affecting reconciliation,” whereas, “females kiss more as a mate-assessment device.”

Apparently men also tend to use more tongue (🇫🇷 style). The thinking here is that they have trace amounts of testosterone in their saliva, which may increase their partner’s openness to sex when exchanged.

Dr. Gallup explains that kissing, “involves a very complicated exchange of information – olfactory information, tactile information and postural types of adjustments that may tap into underlying evolved and unconscious mechanisms that enable people to make determinations…about the degree to which they are genetically incompatible” (BBC, 2007). For example, our brains may interpret bad breath as a sign of disease, decay, or illness.

Another theory comes from zoologists and biologists who suggest kissing may have evolved from our animal ancestors. Primates, and other animals, are well known to chew food for their kiddos and to feed them mouth-to-mouth. Whilst not as sexy, this line of thinking follows that puckering our lips and pressing them against another’s may have evolved as a means of providing comfort and soothing as well as expressing love and affection.

tl;dr who knows why we do it, probably cuz we’re also just kinda weird 🤷‍♀️

5 Kissing Techniques for You to Try

#1 The Peck

The peck is a simple, quick kiss using only your lips. Lean in and lightly press your lips against your partner's lips or another part of their body. This is a great introductory kiss, especially for new couples. To make it a bit more elevated, hold eye contact for a few seconds before and a few seconds afterwards. Try resting your foreheads against one another's or lightly rubbing your noses. The peck is also a great one to add to a heavier kiss so as to let you/your partner come up for air and mix in some variety.

#2 The French Kiss

The French Kiss is the most iconic kiss and one that allows you to play with intensity. Start with a gentle, open-mouthed kiss, and gradually introduce your tongue by lightly touching it against your partner's lips and then their tongue. Remember, less is more. This is about subtlety, rhythm and mirroring movements – like dancing. Make sure you also move in and out of the frenchie so as to allow for natural breaks in the kiss to breathe, swallow and savour. Play with cupping their face, their lower back, their bum, their neck etc.

#3 The Single Lip Kiss

This one's all about focus and finesse. Forget the full-mouth action for a moment and instead, give your attention to one lip at a time. Gently capture your partner's upper or lower lip between yours and add a touch of suction or a gentle bite. Pull away, make eye contact and hold it for 3-5 seconds. Mix and match this technique with the french kiss and don't forget to use your hands as well (e.g. hold, squeeze, feather, trace, pull, etc.)

#4 The Earlobe Kiss

The ears and neck are great erogenous zones to explore - but, like any type of touch, you'll wanna get your partner's sign off first. The earlobe kiss involves nibbling and sucking on your partner's earlobe. Remember to be gentle—it's an earlobe, not an all-you-can-eat buffet and it can also be loud in the ear so go slowly, lightly and take your time. You may also want to experiment with light and gentle breathe on their ear/neck. If so, slowly breathe warm air on their skin and play with the temperature sensations.

#5 The Full Body Kiss

This one's more about taking time to do a full exploration of their body (in the areas they're comfortable with). Some common hotspots? Neck, ears, hands, between the shoulders, ribs, hips, groin, back of the legs, and if everyone's comfortable, the feet. Experiment with pecks, lightly biting and dragging your teeth over their skin. Tracing lines with your tongue and use your breath to warm their skin. Anticipation is key to this one - use pace and pressure to build erotic tension.

1 Thing to Try This Week

Choose a type of kiss that’s a less common one for ya and try it out. Better yet, play with all five and roll through the different types.

If you’re not going to do any kissing this week, no sweat. Save this guide for when you do and use it as your chance to experiment then!

2 Questions to Ponder

1. What are the most pleasurable kisses I’ve ever had? What about them did I enjoy?

2. How would I describe the way I want to be kissed? Have I shared this with the people I’m kissing? Why or why not? Think speed, pressure, technique, location, touch etc.

3 Reads – Romance Edition

📚 Seven Days in June by Tia Williams

📚 A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas

📚 Gold by E.J. Noyes

Ciao crew! Oh, and don’t to forget to be your own valentine this week and to do something pleasurable just for you 💗

xx Anna