"The Real Secret to Confidence, Creativity, and Joy? Your Body."

Buy this book and feel deeply connected to yourself and your power.

Read Time: 5 minutes

👋 Hi my loves,

Welcome to Pillow Talk, your weekly dose of inspiration, guidance, and actionable tools to help you reclaim your desire, rebuild sexual confidence, and deepen intimacy—starting with the relationship you have with yourself.

You deserve a vibrant, pleasurable, and deeply fulfilling sex life. Let’s help you claim it.

👋 Hey you,

Ahhh you’re all amazing, so many pre-orders for my birthday last week! Thank you.

To say THANKS! I’ve sweetened the deal even more….

And, as I mentioned last week, if you buy a copy before the 22nd May, I’ll gift you

1. An entire year free to the Ferly (the app that’s been used by 600K women)

   Inside the app you’ll find:

   • a library of beautiful female focused audio erotica

   • multiple courses that help you unlock better sex

   • solo and partnered guided practices to reconnect you to your pleasure

   • and so much more

2. Entry into a raffle to win 1 of 10 spots for our exclusive launch event (inc a plus one) on the 22nd May.

3. AND NOW….you’ll also be entered into a raffle to win a beautiful toy from the gorgeous, elegant, sex toy brand, LELO.

Inside the app you’ll find:

• a library of beautiful female focused audio erotica

• multiple courses that help you unlock better sex

• solo and partnered guided practices to reconnect you to your pleasure

• and so much more

This Week’s Read…

Last week I asked you which pillar of your sexual wellbeing needs the most attention and there were two clear winners: self-confidence and communication.

So, the next two newsletters are going to explore these topics in more depth.

Today, let’s talk about something most people misunderstand:
Confidence.

We’re told to “have it.”
To fake it till we make it.
To wear it like red lipstick and good lighting.

But when it comes to intimacy — especially sex — confidence isn’t just a mood or a mindset. It’s a relationship with yourself. One that either softens you into your desires… or makes you shut down before you even get started.

So many people I work with say things like:

But what they’re often craving isn’t confidence: it’s clarity, worthiness, and self-trust.
Confidence is just the visible result.

What Actually is Confidence?

In our book, Turn Yourself On, we break confidence down into what it actually is and what’s quietly getting in your way.

You’ll learn how confidence is made up of three distinct foundations:

• Self-confidence → “I trust my ability to do this.”

• Self-esteem → “I believe I am worthy.”

• Self-efficacy → “I know I can create change.”

Most of us have holes in one or more of these often shaped by early experiences, shame, trauma, or chronic people-pleasing. And when those holes aren’t seen or tended to, they don’t just affect our sex lives, they affect everything.

When I learnt that confidence was separated into these three distinct categories I finally felt like it was a skill I could build. Breaking confidence down and noticing which one I was really lacking helped me focus my attention in the right way so I could notice a measurable improvement!

A personal moment from the book...

In each chapter of the book Anna and I share a personal story about our struggle with that particular pillar. They are raw and unfiltered. It’s scary to share these but our hope is that through our own vulnerability we can give you the courage to share your truths too.

There’s a story in this chapter I almost left out.
It’s about a moment where I realised I didn’t actually feel confident — I just looked like I did.

I was in a relationship that mirrored a familiar dynamic: I gave, I performed, I adapted. And because that made me feel wanted, I thought it made me feel confident. But then came their silence. Their withdrawal. Their subtle rejection.

And suddenly, I couldn’t hold my ground.
Because I had been building my confidence on being chosen, not on choosing myself.

That moment unraveled something. And it also revealed the exact work I needed to do, work that now lives in this chapter. And yes, it changed everything.

So what’s in the chapter?

Without giving too much away, here’s a peek into the practices we explore:

• Confidence Mapping
  A gentle self-inquiry tool to help you identify whether your issue is ability, worth, or agency so you stop spinning and start strengthening the right part of yourself.

• Somatic Anchoring
  A body-based ritual to build self-trust where confidence isn’t a thought, it’s a felt experience.

• The Mirror Exercise (Reclaimed)
  Not the awkward affirmations kind. A guided process to meet your reflection without judgement and build emotional safety with yourself over time.

• Voice Activation Practice
  A structured yet playful exercise to express a desire, boundary, or curiosity out loud so you stop freezing and start flowing.

These aren’t one-off hacks. They’re deep, doable tools that can shift the way you carry yourself in bed, in your body, and in the world.

Your Weekly Framework to Turn Yourself On

❓One thing to try

Choose one recent moment of doubt or disconnection.
Ask yourself:

– Was I doubting my ability (confidence)?
– My worth (self-esteem)?
– My power to change it (self-efficacy)?
Spot the real block so you can start building in the right direction

🗣️ Two questions to ponder

1. Where in my life do I feel most grounded — and what makes that possible?

2. What would it feel like to be confident even when I’m not being validated?

📚 Three pieces of content to consume

Podcast
“Unlocking Us”: Brené Brown on worthiness and self-trust
→ Listen here

Read
Book: Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach: for softening shame
→ Read it Here

Follow
@the.holistic.psychologist on Instagram: micro-reminders of personal power
→ Follow Now

Remember…

You are not too much.
You are not behind.
You are not broken.

You just haven’t been given the tools to build real confidence…until now.

And that’s why we wrote this book.

With you every step of the way,
Billie x

Personal Support

^{I’m Billie, a certified Holistic Health Coach, Sex Educator and author of the sexual wellness manual, ‘Turn Yourself On’, published by Penguin. I’ve also delivered a TedX on the future of pleasure and co-founded the #1 sexual wellness app, Ferly (where we’ve helped 600,000 enjoy sex more).}

^{I empower women to enjoy their sex lives, cultivate deeply nourishing relationships and find their power!}

^{I can help you:}

• ^{Turn painful sex into a source of ease and pleasure so your body can finally exhale.}

• ^{Experience orgasm more easily by quieting the noise in your head and reconnecting with your body.}

• ^{Reignite your desire so sex stops feeling like a task and starts feeling like something you genuinely want without the guilt.}

• ^{Rebuild intimacy in your relationship so you feel close again, and separation no longer feels like the only option.}