Read Time: 2 minutes

App: Ferly

Recommendation: This bestselling book will teach you how to lead a pleasurable, confident and powerful life.

👋 Hey you,

Welcome back to Pillow Talk - I took a hiatus, did you notice?

A few months ago I was sat on the sofa crying.

Nothing big happened, there was no ‘reason’ for me to cry but something deep inside felt like it had finally slipped away and I was left with nothing.

“I feel like I’m disappearing, becoming invisible, and I’m really, really scared”. Those were the words I whispered, finally speaking out loud something I had been feeling inside for months.

Have you ever experienced burn out? Apparently, that and a chronic gut infection are why I have felt numb, apathetic, fatigued and foggy.

What led to my burn out…

In May this year I published a book in the UK with Penguin Random House. On the outside it looked very exciting. A peak career moment. And it was:

• I hosted the most magical book launch with 80 incredible souls

• The book became an Amazon Best Seller

• I did a podcast tour around the UK and got to speak with incredible female entrepreneurs working tirelessly to improve women’s heath

However, behind the scenes, I was navigating betrayal and a break up (with one of the most important women in my life).

Ferly, this beautiful business that I’ve dedicated almost a decade too felt suffocating and unrelenting.

And being back in the UK reminded me how alive I feel when I’m co-creating with my community, which made returning to LA so hard and isolating.

It’s been 1 year of feeling flat and 5 months since I last pressed send on this newsletter and I haven’t been pulled to send another. Until now.

What’s changed?

I finally reached out for help and prioritised myself.

• I finally found a therapist I really liked (after trying for two years…it’s hard to find the right person)

• I signed up for an 8 week coaching program (yup, therapy and coaching at the same time because they serve a different but equally valuable purpose)

• Went to the Dr and demanded every test under the sun

• Took myself off for a month long surf sabbatical in Nicaragua

It’s ironic that I’ve spent 8 years encouraging women to reach out and seek professional support but it took me a whole year and hitting rock bottom to heed my own advice.

🧠 Why Asking for Help Feels So Hard

Here’s the science behind why it feels so uncomfortable, and why it’s worth doing anyway 👇

• Evolutionary wiring: Our brains associate dependence with danger. For most of human history, being “needy” could mean rejection from the group — and rejection meant death.

• Social conditioning: Many of us were praised for being “strong” or “low-maintenance.” So when we reach out, it triggers shame — as if we’re breaking our own identity.

• Control + trust: Letting someone help means surrendering a bit of control and trusting they won’t drop the ball — both deeply vulnerable acts.

• Sexual parallel: The same pattern shows up in bed. Asking for what we need — more time, slower pace, different touch — lights up the same vulnerability circuits in the brain as asking for help elsewhere.

❤️ Why It’s Worth It

• When you let someone help, you activate oxytocin, the bonding hormone that deepens connection and reduces stress.

• Vulnerability signals safety — it invites intimacy rather than weakness.

• Every time you ask and receive, your nervous system learns: it’s safe to be supported.

The takeaway:
If you’ve spent years holding it all together — in life, in work, in bed — it’s no wonder asking for help feels foreign. Control can start to feel safer than closeness. But real strength isn’t doing everything alone; it’s letting someone in. Start small. Ask for what you actually need — a slower pace, a softer touch, a little care you didn’t think you were allowed to want. It might feel awkward at first, but that discomfort is the doorway. Walk through it, and you’ll find relief, connection, and maybe even an erotic spark you didn’t know you’d lost.

⚡️ What is an Erotic Spark?

I authored a book called, ‘Turn Yourself On’ yet this year I’ve been anything but - in the bedroom and beyond.

So once again the ‘teacher’ must become the student.

I’m on a journey to rediscover my Erotic Spark…

Your erotic spark is that subtle, electric pulse of aliveness that moves through you when desire, curiosity, and connection overlap. It’s not just about sex — it’s the felt sense of being awake in your body, drawn toward something or someone, open to possibility.

It’s what you feel when:

• Someone really sees you because you let them — and you feel yourself light up under their gaze.

• You drop your guard and your senses sharpen — touch feels richer, breath slower, sight richer.

• When you say what you actually mean instead of what’s polite, and your honesty lands.

• Your body and mind feel light and free, full of joy!

Erotic spark thrives on aliveness, not performance. It fades when life becomes all control, productivity, or predictability — and returns when you let yourself feel curious, playful, and a little undone.

In short: it’s the body’s quiet way of saying, “I’m here. I want. I’m alive.”

🔮 The Future Of This Newsletter

I’m shaking up the format and changing the name. Moving forward, Pillow Talk will become:

An Anthology of Aliveness
Notes from my journey rediscovering my erotic spark.

And I’m inviting you to join me.

Each week I’ll share something that I’ve done to help me reclaim and rediscover my erotic spark.

Something that has Turned Me On.

Because I don’t want to feel like I’m disappearing, slipping away and loosing myself anymore.

I want to feel alive, connected, inspired so I can build A BIG BEAUTIFUL LIFE.

Your Weekly Framework to Turn Yourself On

❓One thing to try

Take a quick energy audit of your life. What things are giving you energy and what things are taking energy. Think big and small for example, your first sip of coffee in the morning might give you energy but waking up and checking your phone first thing in the morning might steal your energy.

As you move through your day, jot down energy givers and energy takers. At the end of the week, have a look through your list and if you can remove 1 or 2 of the energy takers.

🗣️ Two questions to ponder

1. When was the last time you felt your erotic spark? What were you doing?

2. How do you feel about the concept of ‘Erotic Spark and why?

With love,
Billie x

♥️ Personal Support

^{I’m Billie, a certified Holistic Health Coach, Sex Educator and author of the best selling sexual wellness manual, ‘Turn Yourself On’, published by Penguin. I’ve also delivered a TedX on the future of pleasure and co-founded the #1 sexual wellness app, Ferly (where we’ve helped 600,000 women enjoy sex more).}

^{I empower women to enjoy their sex lives, cultivate deeply nourishing relationships and find their power!}

^{I can help you:}

• ^{Turn painful sex into a source of ease and pleasure so your body can finally exhale.}

• ^{Experience orgasm more easily by quieting the noise in your head and reconnecting with your body.}

• ^{Reignite your desire so sex stops feeling like a task and starts feeling like something you genuinely want without the guilt.}

• ^{Rebuild intimacy in your relationship so you feel close again, and separation no longer feels like the only option.}