Always the One Compromising?

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Read Time: 5 minutes

👋 Hi my loves,

Welcome to Pillow Talk, your weekly dose of inspiration, guidance, and actionable tools to help you reclaim your desire, rebuild sexual confidence, and deepen intimacy—starting with the relationship you have with yourself.

You deserve a vibrant, pleasurable, and deeply fulfilling sex life. Let’s help you claim it.

This Week’s Read…

Ever Feel Like You’re the Only One Compromising? Let’s Fix That.

Last week we chatted about agency—your confidence in speaking up and owning what you want. But here’s the catch: even when you’ve nailed speaking up, sometimes it still feels like you’re constantly giving in to keep the peace. You know that feeling?

I was chatting to one of clients last week, and she vented over Zoom:

I laughed, but only because I totally got it. Who hasn’t felt like a human pretzel at some point?

This week, we’re diving into power dynamics, because even the strongest voice can fall flat if your partner doesn’t hear it. Agency is about finding your voice. Power is making sure your voice actually counts.

Power vs. Agency: What’s the Deal?

Think of it this way:

• Agency: "I know what I want, and I’m brave enough to say it."

• Power: "When I speak up, does my partner actually listen or am I just shouting into the void?"

If your voice feels like it's echoing in an empty room, you’re dealing with a power imbalance, and it’s probably time to tweak things.

Why Do We End Up Giving Away Our Power?

Okay, quick real talk: as women, many of us were raised to be “nice”—to avoid causing drama, to accommodate others, and always keep things comfy for everyone else. But when you’re constantly focused on someone else's comfort, your own needs get put on pause.

And that’s exhausting, right? Eventually, you feel resentful, unseen, and maybe a tiny bit annoyed every time you hear yourself say, "Sure, whatever you want."

Here’s the secret, though: your needs aren’t annoying. They’re essential.

Sound familiar?

If you find yourself nodding along, you’re definitely not alone. Here are some classic signs you might recognize:

• Always adjusting your needs to fit your partner’s.

• Feeling unheard despite clearly voicing your feelings.

• Quietly resenting how often you say "yes" when you want to say "no."

• Avoiding conflict at all costs—even if it costs your happiness.

• Letting your partner decide (music, TV, holidays) rather than mutually agreeing.

How to Shift the Balance (Without Starting WWIII):

Let's keep it simple. Here are two ways you can rebalance things—minus the drama:

1. . Swap out “whatever” for real compromises:
If you disagree, try finding a solution that’s genuinely fair for both of you—no more automatic “fine, whatever” answers.

2. Speak up about the tiny stuff:
Practice saying what you actually want for dinner or the Netflix show you want to binge, instead of always defaulting to “you choose.”

When I first tried this, I remember awkwardly blurting out, “I hate your music and never feel like I’m allowed to play mine” I held my breath, expecting pushback

but my partner simply shrugged and said, “Oh, I didn’t know you felt that way because you always tell me to choose. I’m happy to listen to your music too, what song do you want?”

That tiny win felt amazing and gave me confidence to keep going.

I could have delivered the message in a much healthier way but the realisation that through not speaking up, I was creating the power imbalance, felt really empowering.

Now I have to refresh my Spotify playlist so I actually know what song to play!

Ready to give this a shot?

Choose just one of the strategies above and gently try it this week. Then text your bestie (or me!) to celebrate your mini victory. I promise—it feels good to take back a little power.

The hidden dance behind your sexual struggles

Sexual difficulties rarely exist in isolation. They’re often a symptom, a whisper from your relationship, telling you something deeper is out of balance. When you silence your voice, defer your desires, or quietly sacrifice to keep harmony, your body may speak up through low desire, painful sex, or elusive pleasure.

But what if, instead of viewing these experiences as problems, you saw them as invitations, opportunities to explore the interplay of power, communication, and intimacy in your relationship?

In coaching, we gently untangle these dynamics together. You’ll discover how to confidently navigate conversations you’ve been avoiding, gently reset the balance to your partnership, and, most importantly, start having sex that feels fun, connected, and deeply satisfying again.

Curious to uncover what’s really beneath your struggles?

✨ 1 Thing to Try:

Identify one area in your relationship where you feel less empowered and have an open conversation about it.

💡 2 Questions to Ponder:

1. Think about your closest relationships—do you feel like your voice carries equal weight, or are you always the one bending?

2. “If your relationship felt truly balanced, what would change in how you show up?

📚 3 Content Recommendations

Watch: “One Simple Trick to Reclaim Your Power” by Kasia Urbaniak

Read: "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by Dr. John Gottman.

Listen: Esther Perel, “The Truth About Power Dynamics”

💬 Food For Thought

"Healthy relationships aren’t built on one person’s sacrifice—they grow from mutual respect and shared power."

📢 Forward this to someone who needs this reminder:
Wanting balance doesn’t make you difficult—it creates true partnership.

Sent with pleasure,

Billie ✨

Personal Support

_{I’m Billie, a certified Holistic Health Coach, Sex Educator and author of the sexual wellness manual, ‘Turn Yourself On’, publishing in May with Penguin. I’ve also delivered a TedX on the future of pleasure and co-founded the #1 sexual wellness app, Ferly (where we’ve helped 500,000 women nurture their most important relationships).}

_{I empower women to enjoy their sex lives, cultivate deeply nourishing relationships and find their power!}

_{How I can help you:}

✨ _{1:1 Coaching}

_{We’ll work together to cultivate a sex life you love and a relationship you’re excited by. I work in an evidence based way, drawing on the latest science. Our time together will be empowering, playful and transformative. Ready?}