Hey you,

Pillow Talk is your 5 minute read on how to enjoy your sex life whilst cultivating a healthy, secure and pleasurable relationship. At the bottom you’ll find:

• 1 thing to try

• 2 questions to ponder

• 3 pieces of content we’re loving

If you’re looking for some support with your relationship and/or intimate life. Scroll to the bottom and book a free call. ☎️

Always In Your Head Overthinking?

Constant thoughts, unable to stay present and negative self talk - you’re not alone. I hear these challenges from our community every week.

I suffer with the same thing too.

These challenges are particularly present during periods of uncertainty and change. Which is why I wanted to write about it today - we’ve got some news to share in the coming weeks but right now I’m in the thick of it.

One thing I’ve come to notice is how much my external world influences how I feel in the bedroom. If there’s a lot of stress, I feel less connected and less playful. I start to get so in my head that I’m unable to be fully present and really feel into my body. When that happens I know something is off, not just in the bedroom but across all areas of my life.

My experience during intimacy is a barometer for how I’m feeling more holistically.

So, when I notice I’m really in my head during sex, I know it’s time to find ways to reconnect with my body.

It’s important that we make decisions from a place of alignment, where our mind and body are in sync, as this is how we learn to truly trust and honour our wants and needs.

Over the last week, to help me get out of my head, I participated in two very beautiful, calming and woo/woo experiences - you can tell I’ve moved to LA hey!

One was still, reflective and profoundly emotional. The other - wild, chaotic and so freeing.

Please don’t close this email here. Stay with me 😉 

A Guided Meditation

“Meditation doesn’t always feel good, but it does help you turn inward and listen to yourself” Manoj.

Last Thursday I cried, rocked, laughed and hugged myself as I was guided through a 60 minute meditation by a wonderful teacher. I know, I know, I told you it was woo/woo.

I have some big decisions to make at the moment but my mind is so loud with negative chatter. I’m constantly over thinking, catastrophising and beating myself up with negative self-talk.

I needed to quieten the mind and really feel into the decisions.

What I discovered during the meditation was so insightful and incredibly helpful.

I have a number of strongly held beliefs that are making it hard for me to make decisions and create this change in my life as doing so would mean rejecting my status quo.

But the meditation revealed something so profound. It showed me when the beliefs were formed and who I adopted them from. It allowed me to see their origins.

The amazing thing about beliefs - they aren’t facts. We have the power to change them if they no longer serve us in creating the future we want.

This meditation gave me something powerful - awareness.

There is still work to be done as I actively reject my old beliefs, write my new ones and practice embedding them in my mind and body, but I know it’s possible.

I’ve done it before and I’ve guided hundreds of men and women through the same process.

Sexual Beliefs

This week I had three very similar calls with two women and a man from our community. Their ultimate relationship and intimacy goals were different but they all had beliefs that were creating challenges for them.

We chatted about where these beliefs came from, what evidence they had for and against the belief, explored what a friend might say to them about their belief and rewrote them to something more affirming and inline with the future they wanted to create.

Obviously, the work doesn’t stop there. Embedding new beliefs is an ongoing practice until suddenly you realise you truly believe that thing now. The old belief has gone and now the actions you take are being driven by a beautiful, helpful and positive belief. You have changed.

I love supporting people through this. It’s phenomenal how quickly change can happen.

Contact Dance

I was an AMDRAM kid. I grew up dancing, acting and singing (badly).

I loved, and still love, performing.

But Contact Dance…that was out of my comfort zone!

Last Tuesday my friend invited me to an evening class. I’m familiar with the concept but I’ve never been to a workshop. On a mission to get out of my head, I decided to join him. I love to dance and am a big advocate for using movement to help shift our mental state and reconnect with our bodies.

However, I was not prepared for how the evening unfolded.

Contact Improvisation, as it’s formally known, can be described as a dance practice where two or more bodies move together as one in close physical contact. The point of physical contact creates an opportunity for co-creative and embodied movement improvisation.

What that really means is this - a group of people come together, listen to music and dance spontaneously around a room whilst connecting their bodies through physical contact e.g. an arm on an arm or rolling over another person’s back.

First, we went around the room and introduced ourselves. The class was held in a very spiritual neighbourhood in LA known as Topanga. So you can imagine how the intro’s unfolded. However, nothing prepared me for the song that one woman burst into - a 5 minute rendition of her self-composed song, ‘Love is like Ayahuasca’.

The Britishness inside of me meant I could barely contain my giggles.

Then the music started and everyone began dancing. From standing still one minute to full blown ecstatic dance the next.

I was shocked by how awkward I felt. Everyone else was completely at ease as they danced around the space but not me, I was side stepping in a corner!

I had to have a quick word with myself. I said, ‘Billie, you’re here for the next 2 hours, no one is looking at you, stop thinking and feel into the music’.

Then the magic happened and the next few hours honestly flew by.

We explored a number of different exercises that encouraged us to communicate stories with our bodies, step outside of our comfort zones and connect with others both physically and emotionally.

We started the class as strangers and by the end, I felt deeply connected to each of them.

Was I present the whole time? No.

Did I remain judgement free and have no negative self-talk? No.

Was I able to observe these and bring myself back to the moment? Yes.

Contact Dance/Improv is a hard thing to explain and if I asked many of you to join me I imagine you’d say hell no!

But it was an incredible experience and a really powerful way to get out of my head.

This quote from someone in the group beautifully summarised the experience, “it allows me to drop into myself, listen to my deepest instincts and urges, and over time I have learnt to trust and follow them. It has taught me the language of the body, both mine and others”.

As I said before, movement is a phenomenal way to shift our mental state. Contact Dance might be too much of an edge for you but that doesn’t mean you can’t put on your favourite song and dance around the kitchen when you’re in a funk.

Equally, if you have a partner, movement is a very intimate and playful way to connect with each other.

When couples are struggling to connect sexually, I’ll often encourage them to reconnect outside of the bedroom first. Introducing a gentle touch based movement practice to their favourite song helps them rediscover each other’s bodies without all the over thinking that can be present in the bedroom.

If the woo/woo chat didn’t put you off, and you made it this far, I’m so happy.

It shows me you have an expansive and curious mind which is so important if you want to have a beautiful, fulfilling and long lasting sex life. 💓

1 Thing to Try This Week

So many of you registered your interest in Nurturing Desire - our 3 month program that will help you overcome your sexual challenges and cultivate the intimacy and relationships you desire.

However, when it came to booking a free call with me, you stopped short.

I know it might feel nerve-racking, a little uncomfortable or distressingly awkward to speak to a stranger online about your sex life. But I have these conversations day in and day out.

Nothing brings me more joy than chatting with you.

The reality is, issues rarely resolve themselves. Getting out of our comfort zone is the only way we can create change. And your needs matter. Prioritising yourself is necessary and important. Us women especially are notoriously bad at that.

And for the lovely men in this community, I want to speak to you too. Many brave men have booked a call and left feeling so much more hopeful after.

If you feel there are issues in your relationship and/or sex lives, please book a call. Let’s chat them through and make a plan. What’s the worst that can happen?

Still not ready? Reply to this email instead and let me know what’s stopping you.

2 Questions to Ponder

1. When was the last time you were really pushed out of your comfort zone?

2. What negative beliefs do you currently have and where did they come from?

3 Read/Watch/Listens

▶️ Contact Improvisation - witness the power of this practice

👂 Belief Based Meditation - a great technique to help bring intimacy back into the relationship💖

📚 From Comfort Zone to Growth Zone - a great visual in this article that shows the path we need to take to create the life we want.

Have a really lovely week folks!

xx Billie xx

_{I’m Billie, a certified Holistic Health Coach, Sex Educator and author of a soon to be released sexual wellness manual with Penguin, TedX Speaker, and co-founder of Ferly (where we’ve helped 500,000 folk improve their intimate lives).}

_{I work with men and women that are tired of their intimate lives causing conflict and stress. If you find it difficult prioritising sex and relationships but desperately want things to change, I can help. Click here.}

_{How I can help you:}

✨ _{1:1 Coaching}

_{My most comprehensive online coaching programme.}

_{We’ll work together in a compassionate way to uncover the root cause of your problems before experimenting with evidence based tools and techniques that will transform your sex life and help you cultivate deeply intimate and satisfying relationships.}

_{🪻Nurturing Desire}

_{Our flagship group coaching programme.}

_{Nurturing Desire is delivered in a peer to peer format where you’ll benefit from the incredible power of open, shame-free conversations, with other women walking a similar path.}

_{❣️Drop In Sessions}

_{Designed to give you a lifeline when everything feels a little overwhelming.}

_{A 90 minute online session to help you get your head above the water when you need it most. I’m here to support you even if you can’t commit to a longer programme.}