How to Have Great Sex & Relationships

Hey crew 👋

Here’s your weekly dose of Pillow Talk - your 5 minute read on how to have a healthy, confident and pleasurable life.

The Ferly Method | The 6 Pillars of Great Sex & Relationships

When it comes to sex and relationships, Billie and I have spent years thinking about what ‘great’ means and how we actually get there.

In pursuit of this golden question, I've devoted the last half a decade to research - both that of others and our own. I've interviewed and partnered with the world’s leading experts in Women’s Health, I've worked firsthand with 1000s of women globally, and as a survivor of sexual violence, I've also navigated the journey to better sex & relationships firsthand.

Ditto for Billie. That's why we understand how important getting to 'great' is and how far away it can sometimes feel.

The Ferly Method is the product of 5+ years of work, hundreds of shared experiences and the learnings of my lifetime as a woman so far. It’s a combination of skills, practices and techniques that sit across 6 key sex and relationship pillars.

Pillar No. 1 | Communication

We’re gonna start with this one because it’s often the one so many of us get wrong (myself included 💁‍♀️). Communication is one of those critical life skills that most of us were never taught and yet, are somehow expected to know.

Personally, when it comes to my own growth, I find it helpful to know what I’m benchmarking against and working towards. So here’s what I define as key skills that make for great sexual communication:

• Active listening

• Talking openly about sex and your relationship

• Regularly discussing wants and needs

• Setting and upholding boundaries

• Feeling confident having difficult conversations

• Knowing your non-verbals (and your partner’s)

• Giving and receiving regular feedback

• Relationship repair

• Scheduling in weekly communication rituals

Over the coming weeks, we’ll dive into the Communication pillar and these skills in more detail. In the meantime, here’s your Weekly List of 3.

1 Thing to Try This Week

Some good old fashioned communication self-reflection. This can be done anytime and anywhere. Take 2 minutes to reflect on a recent uncomfortable conversation (or lack of conversation) that you’ve had. As an ‘outside observer’ looking back on that conversation, evaluate how well (or not-so-well) you listened, avoided multi-tasking or distractions, expressed yourself, chose timing, managed your tone, word choice, body language etc.

2 Questions to Ponder

1. Your inner world question is: “Do you feel comfortable and confident sharing your needs and wants with your partner(s) or do you feel like you need to hide certain parts of yourself?”

2. And your outer world question is: “In past, how have you expressed your needs and desires to your partner(s) and how have they responded?”

3 Read/Listen/Watch Recommendations

📚 Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most 
p.s. This book has completely changed how I communicate across all aspects of my life. Highly recommend.

🎧 Where Should We Begin with Esther Perel: I’ve had Better (S1E1)

👀 How Not to be Defensive in Relationships

A bonus goodie just cuz ur rad 🫶

From the lovely crew at one of our fave sexual wellness companies Unbound Babes, here’s a lil’ 20% off any purchase of $50 or more. Some recommendations? Bender - flexible internal vibrator, Puff - their bestselling suction toy and Pep - compact, easy-to-use beginner vibe.

Use code Ferly20 or click this link for an automatic discount. Code expires April 1st and is limited to one per person.

That’s it from me!

As always, I love to hear from y’all so feel free to hit reply to this email and share away.

Until next week, good communicating and positive juju your way,

p.s. If you’re looking to improve your sex and relationship lives and want to get started ASAP, don’t forget to check out our courses and coaching programs here.

p.p.s. If you want a daily dose of science-based tips, tools and techniques to help improve your sexual wellbeing, follow us on the ‘gram (and join the other 50K folx who already do!)