Couples that talk about sex have better sex. Only 9% of couples who rarely talk about sex have a satisfying sex life.

Turn Yourself On: Want to feel confident once and for all? Buy this book.

Read Time: 5 minutes

👋 Hi my loves,

Welcome to Pillow Talk, your weekly dose of inspiration, guidance, and actionable tools to help you reclaim your desire, rebuild sexual confidence, and deepen intimacy—starting with the relationship you have with yourself.

You deserve a vibrant, pleasurable, and deeply fulfilling sex life. Let’s help you claim it.

This Week’s Read…

👋 Hey you,

Here’s a stat that made me sit up straight:

Only 9% of couples who rarely talk about sex say they have a satisfying sex life.
(That’s not a typo. It’s nine percent.)

It’s a reminder that great sex doesn’t come from just chemistry or timing or luck.
It comes from something less glamorous but way more powerful: conversation.

When couples don’t talk about sex, desire fizzles.
When they do, connection grows.

And the reason why is equal parts science, psychology, and the awkward messiness of being human.

A hit of science (and why this matters more than we think)

When sex goes unspoken, it gets stored as assumption.

We assume our partner knows what we want.
We assume we know what they want.
We assume if something’s wrong, they’ll just say it.
(Meanwhile, they’re thinking the exact same thing.)

This creates a dynamic called mutual mind-reading, where both people are acting on guesses, not truths.

And desire doesn’t thrive in guesswork.
It thrives in clarity, curiosity, and choice.

Talking about sex makes your inner world visible. And when your partner really sees you: your wants, fears, awkward edges, turn-ons—something shifts.

You feel safe.
You feel desired.
You feel like it’s you in bed, not a version of you going through the motions.

But let’s also name why this doesn’t come easily.

Most of us weren’t raised in homes or cultures that encouraged us to talk openly about sex. Especially women.
We were praised for being good, not honest. For avoiding conflict, not naming needs. For being desirable, but never too sexual.

That silence might have protected us once.
But it also prevented us from becoming the kinds of partners and lovers we want to be.

When we start talking about sex, here’s what unlocks:

We stop second-guessing and start co-creating.
We learn how our needs and our partner’s needs evolve.
We make pleasure less about performance and more about truth.
We open the door to something better not just "fine," but fulfilling.

How to actually start talking about sex

You don’t need the perfect moment. You just need a real one.

Here are some gentle conversation openers:

“Can I ask you something a bit vulnerable?”

“I read something today that made me think about us can I share it?”

“I want to make sure we’re not assuming things about sex. What feels good for you lately?”

“If there was one small thing that would make sex better for you, what would it be?”

You can even text it. Write it down. Whisper it under the duvet.

Start small. Stay honest. Let it be messy.
It’s not about being sexy. It’s about being real. And that is where the spark lives.

Your Weekly Framework to Turn Yourself On

❓One thing to try

A “desire check-in” with your partner (or just with yourself if you’re solo).
Once a week, ask:

• What felt good this week?

• What didn’t?

• What are you curious to try next?

No pressure to act just talk.

🗣️ Two questions to ponder

1. What have I never said out loud about my pleasure or my body?

2. When was the last time I checked in not assumed what my partner wants?

📚 Three pieces of content to consume

Podcast
Jillian On Love and Sex With Emily - The power of communication in intimacy
→ Listen here

Reddit
Turn Yourself On – Why ‘spontaneous desire’ is a myth (and what actually fuels real connection)
→ Hear From Community

Watch
Dying For Sex on Hulu - the most incredible show on the importance of pleasure to the human experience.
→ Watch Now

P.S. We sent something secret to 600 women this week…

Every week, about 12% of readers actually click something in this newsletter.
You might be one of them.

To say thank you and to celebrate the launch of our book we sent those 600 women a private email filled with special gifts.

Want to see it?
Just hit “I’m in.” We’ll quietly add you to the list.

Because you deserve to be in the room where the good stuff happens.

With love,
Billie x

Personal Support

^{I’m Billie, a certified Holistic Health Coach, Sex Educator and author of the sexual wellness manual, ‘Turn Yourself On’, published by Penguin. I’ve also delivered a TedX on the future of pleasure and co-founded the #1 sexual wellness app, Ferly (where we’ve helped 600,000 enjoy sex more).}

^{I empower women to enjoy their sex lives, cultivate deeply nourishing relationships and find their power!}

^{I can help you:}

• ^{Turn painful sex into a source of ease and pleasure so your body can finally exhale.}

• ^{Experience orgasm more easily by quieting the noise in your head and reconnecting with your body.}

• ^{Reignite your desire so sex stops feeling like a task and starts feeling like something you genuinely want without the guilt.}

• ^{Rebuild intimacy in your relationship so you feel close again, and separation no longer feels like the only option.}