So my client sent me a WhatsApp at 3am the other day… and I encouraged her to! You see, my clients have my phone number. So they can message me whenever they want.
I want to explain why, because it's intentional, and it's one of the things that makes working with me different.
The work we do together doesn't pause between sessions. Life keeps happening! A conversation with a partner that stirred something up. A moment that brought an old belief back to the surface. A small win that deserved to be marked by someone who knows what it took.
If the only place to bring those moments is a video call three weeks away, a lot of the most important texture gets lost…
So I made the decision to be genuinely available. I’m not likely to respond at 3am! But I will read it when I wake up the next morning. And I want my clients to know "you have a real person who knows your situation and is thinking about you between sessions". This kind of continuity means you never have to manage something alone and hope you remember to bring it up next time.
Which of these would make the biggest difference to you right now?
So back to the 3am WhatsApp I received.
She'd been working through something that had come up in our last session. Her beliefs about sex she'd been carrying for so long she'd stopped noticing it was there.
In our work together, we call these inherited messages.
They're the beliefs about sex, desire, and relationships that get absorbed before we're old enough to question them. From the way the adults around us talked about sex (or didn't). From what culture handed us about what women are supposed to want, and how much. From early experiences that left a mark we never got to examine properly…
The word "inherited" matters. Because inherited things weren't chosen. They were handed to you. And that creates a kind of distance from shame. Instead of "this is what I believe," it becomes "this is what I was given." And what you were given, you can also put down.
Most of the women I work with are living inside beliefs they never consciously chose. Beliefs that are actually shaping how they think about themselves, their husbands and their marriages! The most common ones I see are:
Prioritising the man’s pleasure
Fantacising (especially about other people) is very taboo
Masturbating should be hidden and private (or not done - I should save my ‘horny’ for sex with my husband)
Any of those sound familiar?
Understanding what they are and how they shape you is the work. And the moments when something shifts rarely happen neatly inside a scheduled session. They happen in the supermarket, at 11pm in bed, while reading something that lands somewhere unexpected. That's exactly why I keep my number available!
I'm sharing this with you because something is shifting in how I work. The way I support my clients is evolving, and while I don't know exactly what the new shape will look like yet, I do know this: I've got 3 spots opening up for May, and these are the last ones with this level of intimate, 1:1 access potentially for a while.
The WhatsApp support… the personalised session notes. The depth of all of it!
If you've been reading these emails and quietly thinking I think I need this... the next 7 days might be a good time to trust that feeling.
A discovery call is just a conversation. We'll figure out together whether this is the right fit.
Warmly, Lexy 🧡
The Ferly Method
I'm Lexy, resident sexologist at Ferly, where we help women in long-term relationships rebuild desire and intimacy using evidence-based methods developed with the world's leading researchers in female sexuality.
The Ferly Method is built on years of clinical research, real-world coaching, and insights from over a million women. It's not about endless talking or vague advice. It's about understanding why desire fades (spoiler: it's not because something is wrong with you) and learning how to create the conditions for it to come back. I bring this framework to life through personalised one-to-one support, helping women go from "I want to want sex again" to actually feeling connected, intimate, and excited about their relationship.
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