Hi my loves 🧡

Here’s your next dose of Turned On - your 5-minute read on how to have a healthy, confident and pleasurable life.

So many women I speak to share the same frustration.

They’re the ones reading the books. Listening to the podcasts. Booking the therapy. Trying to “fix” the relationship.

And when it comes to sex, they often feel like it’s their responsibility too.

To want it more. To make it better. To initiate. To keep the peace.

A client once said to me:

“Honestly, I feel like I’m constantly bending myself into weird shapes to fit what my partner wants. Like… what am I, a pretzel?! It’s exhausting.”

And she’s not alone. So many women end up quietly adjusting their needs, swallowing their feelings, and saying yes when they mean no, just to avoid conflict or disappointment. Over time, that doesn’t create connection. It creates resentment, distance, and a body that slowly switches off desire.

Most of us were taught, directly or indirectly, to be “nice”, to keep things calm, avoid rocking the boat, and put other people’s comfort first. But when you’re constantly prioritising someone else’s needs, your own slowly get pushed aside. Over time, that often shows up in your sex life as low desire, feeling disconnected, or sex starting to feel like a chore, not because you’re broken, but because something deeper in the relationship dynamic is out of balance.

There’s a difference between healthy compromise and constantly giving yourself away.

When one person is always bending, deciding less, speaking up less, or carrying the emotional load, intimacy suffers.

Your body is incredibly wise. If you don’t feel fully heard, safe, or valued, it often responds by pulling away from sex. Not to punish, but to protect.

Sexual struggles rarely exist on their own. They’re often your body’s way of signalling that something in the relationship dynamic needs attention.

When women constantly carry the responsibility for fixing intimacy, connection slowly erodes. But when power feels more balanced, communication opens up, and desire has space to grow again.

In coaching, we gently explore these patterns and help you build relationships and sex lives that feel connected, safe, and genuinely pleasurable.

You don’t need to overhaul your relationship overnight; start small.

Those little shifts rebuild confidence and balance over time.

I remember the first time I told an ex-partner I hated always listening to his music and never mine. I was braced for an argument. Instead he said, “I didn’t realise, you always tell me to choose. Of course we can listen to yours.”

That moment made me realise how much I’d been creating the imbalance by staying quiet.

I’m Lexy, resident sex coach at Ferly, where we support women to reconnect with desire, confidence, and intimacy using a science-backed, practical approach that actually creates change.

The Ferly Method is built from years of research, real-world coaching, and insights from over a million women who’ve used the Ferly app, so it’s not about endless talking, it’s about understanding what’s really going on and taking simple, powerful action. I bring this framework to life through personalised one-to-one support to help women feel more connected, confident, and excited about intimacy again.

👉 Find out more about 1:1 support here

p.s. If you want an even bigger dose of science-based tips, tools and techniques to help improve your sexual wellbeing, follow us on the ‘gram (and join the other 50K folx who already do!)