Hey you,

Pillow Talk is your 5 minute read on how to enjoy your sex life whilst cultivating a confident, erotic and playful relationship. At the bottom you’ll find:

• 1 things to try - get the workbook

• 2 questions to ponder

• 3 pieces of content we’re loving

Coaching

Reaching out and asking for support isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. Three situations where coaching might be a great fit for you:

1. Low desire / Desire mismatch causing tension in your relationship

2. Lack of sexual confidence and/or body confidence

3. Struggling to orgasm or experiencing pain during sex and masturbation

Over 12 weeks I’ll guide you through an evidence based program co-created by leading Psychotherapist and women’s health researcher, Dr Lori Brotto. By the end of the program you will:

1. Feel more connected and grounded in your body than ever before

2. Intimately connect with your partner, creating a stronger and more beautiful bond

3. Be genuinely excited about your sex life and have eliminated the stress

58% of women in this community are dissatisfied

Compared to the UK average of 52%. Shall we change this, ladies?

Research shows that couples who talk about sex have better sex

But talking about sex is hard for a lot of us. It’s a topic that is still shrouded in so much shame and taboo so openly declaring what we like and don’t like doesn’t come naturally or easily. However…

The less direct you are about what you want, the less likely you are to get it.

Talking about sex is a powerful way to deepen intimacy and connection.

When communication is full of tension, then frustration, ambiguity, and hurt feelings are sure to follow.

It’s common for couples to want to talk about sex, yet they struggle to find the right words to express themselves without sounding critical or feeling embarrassed.

To help get the conversation started I’m going to share four foundational building blocks every couple should discuss and learn about each other. These are things we can do when we’re single and when we’re in a relationship. In fact, the more we understand these pieces in ourselves before we enter a relationship, the higher chance of success in our long-term relationships.

For the next four weeks I’m going to deep dive into each of these, one by one:

1. Sexual Values

2. Attachment Styles

3. Love Languages

4. Desire and Arousal - what turns you on and off

Sexual Values

If you answered no, get this workbook and learn something new about yourself.

First, let’s explore what values actually are.

They are the beliefs or ideals we hold about what is important and desirable to us. They form a fundamental part of our identity and influence how we live our lives, including our behaviours, motivations and perceptions.

For example, my values are energy, love and adventure. When I’m making decisions about my life, I draw on my values to help guide me. Say I was looking at changing career, I would use my value of energy to help me determine if the team I’d be joining felt aligned to me, and I’d use my value of adventure to assess whether the role would be exciting, challenging and rewarding or so on.

For someone else, their values might be: money, power and honesty. So they would view the same job opportunity through that lens and use their values to help them decide whether to make the move. Does the job give them more cash in their pocket, or the opportunity to make a lot of money down the line. Will the role give them some sort of influence and power within their sector?

The tricky thing is, we might share the same values with someone else but interpret them completely differently. Which is why it is so important to discuss what our values actually mean to us in different situations.

When it comes to sex, we all have a set of sexual values even if we haven’t openly defined them yet. Our sexual values are the ‘why’ behind the rules we have around sex. For example, if you have a rule that sex should be something contained inside of a relationship between two people, you might have a sexual value around stability.

These values can be positive or negative, big or small, serious or casual.

All of these values tend to vary not only from person to person, but in relation to who we're having sex with and when (such as a long-term partner or before or after getting married).

Depending on the values you have attached to sex, they can cause problems when it comes to self-love and masturbation, seeing yourself as a sexual being or misaligned expectations in a relationship.

Understanding sexual values in a relationship is important because it allows partners to openly communicate about their desires, boundaries, and expectations regarding intimacy, which is crucial for building trust, fostering a healthy sexual connection, and ensuring overall relationship satisfaction; misaligned sexual values can lead to frustration, conflict, and potential feelings of dissatisfaction within the partnership. 

Below I’ve created a workbook that helps you define your sexual values and then apply them to different parts of your sexual experience. This is a beautiful exercise to do on your own, or with your partner.

If you’re a parent, this is an incredibly important exercise to do because it helps you uncover the beliefs you want to impart on your children. Your kids learn so much through osmosis at home. You play such an important role in shaping their sexual values.

Desire Masterclass

Last week I ran a 60 minute workshop on desire and covered:

1. The science of desire and arousal (it’s not what you think)

2. How your brain sabotages your sex life and what to do about it

3. Different attachment styles and how to navigate them in a relationship

I also threw in a very generous £500 discount for Nurturing Desire, my 12 week coaching program, because I love women that are ready to take action and change their sex life!

I only have 10 spots left in 2024 and next year I’m changing my offers so this will be the last time Nurturing Desire is available at this price.

If you want the recording and the discount, click the button below and after purchase (pay what you want, min £5) I’ll send you the video and discount code.

1 Thing to Try This Week

Uncover your sexual values with two easy and quick exercises. If you feel able (and it’s relevant), invite your partner to do the same.

Discover your sexual self, build a solid foundation with your partner and get ahead of any potential misalignments that could cause stress in the future.

2 Questions to Ponder

1. What are your sexual values?

2. Where did they come from?

Let me know your answers to these questions by replying to this email. I love hearing from you and I’m so grateful when people write to me.

3 Read, Watch, Listen

🤓 DeadBedroomsOver30: An interesting Sub-Reddit

🎧 Gillian Anderson on Smartless: Gillian has recently released her new book, Wanting

🎥 Three Women: Amazing show highlighting the importance of aligning your sexual values

I am loving Three Women, it’s such a powerful portrayal of how different women can experience sex and intimacy. It opens up important conversations and creates so much food for thought. If you watch it, I’d love to know who you relate to most!?

xx Billie xx

_{I’m Billie, a certified Holistic Health Coach, Sex Educator and author of a soon to be released sexual wellness manual with Penguin, TedX Speaker, and co-founder of Ferly (where we’ve helped 500,000 folk improve their intimate lives).}

_{I empower women to enjoy their sex lives and cultivate deeply intimate and nourishing relationships.}

_{How I can help you:}

✨ _{1:1 Coaching}

_{We’ll work together to cultivate a sex life you love and a relationship you’re excited by. I work in an evidence based way, drawing on the latest science. Our time together will be empowering, playful and transformative. Ready?}