So last week I sent you a survey. A slightly nosy, very personal survey about your desire, your relationships, and what's actually going on behind closed doors.

And you did not hold back!

I honestly didn't know how many of you would respond. These aren't exactly pub quiz questions. But you showed up, you were honest, and some of your answers genuinely stopped me in my tracks.

So here's the deal. You told me. Now I'm going to tell you what I found…

The one thing most of you have in common

Three out of four of you are in long-term relationships. Nearly half have been with your partner for over ten years.

Most of you are not here because you're single and figuring things out. You're here because you love someone, you've built a life with them, and somewhere along the way... something shifted.

Which leads me to...

The answer that kept coming up

I gave you a list of things you might relate to. "I want to explore." "I struggle to orgasm." "I'm going through a life change."

But the most common answer, by a long way? "My desire has dipped."

Half of you. The same four words.

And look, I wasn't surprised. But seeing it there in black and white, from so many of you at once... it hit differently. Because that's not a niche problem. That's not a weird thing that only happens to some women. That's half of this community saying: I love my partner, but I don't want sex anymore, and I don't know why.

You're so not alone in this.

You're not just sitting around waiting

This is the bit that really got me.

More than half of you said you're actively looking for ways to improve things. Not just curious. Not just casually reading a newsletter. Actively looking.

And nearly half of you have already invested in coaching, therapy, books, or courses. You've spent real time and real money trying to figure this out.

So if you've ever felt like you're the only one lying awake at 11pm Googling "why don't I want sex anymore"... you're literally not. Just know, half this community is doing the same thing (and this community ain’t small).

The one that made me laugh

I asked about your relationship status and gave you an option that just said "it's complicated."

Let's just say... more of you picked that than I expected. I see you. I won't ask follow-up questions. (For now.)

What surprised me most

When I asked how much this actually affects your life, I expected most of you to say "it bothers me a bit."

That's not what you said.

Nearly half of you said it's a recurring frustration. And more than a quarter said it's having a real impact on your relationship. This isn't something you're brushing off. It's sitting with you. It's in the background of your evenings, your weekends, your quiet moments.

I want you to know that hear that, and I take it seriously.

One more thing

I asked whether you'd ever invested in getting help with this. And the split was fascinating.

About half of you have done coaching or therapy. A similar number have bought books or courses. And about a quarter of you have never done anything at all.

Which means some of you have been trying everything. And some of you have been waiting. Both are valid. But if you're in the "waiting" camp... what are you waiting for? (That's not a challenge. It's a genuine question. Have a think.)

So what now?

This is your data. Your community. Your honesty.

And I'm using all of it. Everything you told me is shaping what I build next... new tools, new resources, new ways to support you that are based on where you actually are, not where I assumed you were.

More on that very soon. I told you everything I build here at Ferly is for you. Now time for me to build!

Warmly, Lexy 🧡

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