Hi my loves 🧡

Here’s your next dose of Turned On - your 5-minute read on how to have a healthy, confident and pleasurable life.

We've been thinking about toys all wrong.

So many people treat them like a failure. Like needing one means your body isn't enough, or your partner isn't enough, or something is broken. But what if toys aren't a replacement for anything? What if they're actually more like... glasses?

Hear me out. If your eyesight changed, you'd get glasses without a second thought. If your hearing shifted, you'd look into a hearing aid. You wouldn't sit there in shame thinking your eyes had failed you. You'd just get the support your body needs.

So why is it different with pleasure?

Our bodies change. Constantly. Through stress, grief, ageing, illness, medication, hormonal shifts, motherhood, menopause. And sometimes the things that used to work just... don't anymore. That's not a problem. That's being human. And toys are one of the simplest, most accessible ways to support your body through those changes.

Permission Before Products

Here's something I feel really strongly about, both as a coach and as a woman. Before anyone reaches for a toy, they need to feel safe first.

I see this in my work all the time. Someone buys a vibrator because they think they should. Maybe they saw it recommended on a podcast, or their friend swears by one. But they haven't actually checked in with themselves. Are they curious? Do they trust their body right now? Is their nervous system in a place to receive pleasure?

Because when toys are introduced without emotional safety, they can actually create more shame. More shutdown. More distance from your own body.

Permission comes before products. Always!

If you're going through a body change, whether that's post-baby, post-surgery, perimenopause, or just a really stressful season of life, give yourself space to grieve what was before you reach for what's next. That grief is valid. And tending to it is part of the journey back to pleasure, not an obstacle to it.

Bringing a Partner Into It

OK let's talk about the bit that makes most people nervous. How do you actually bring up toys with a partner without it turning into a thing?

Language is everything here. The difference between your partner hearing this as an invitation or an attack often comes down to a few words.

"I want to explore this with you" lands completely differently to "you can't satisfy me." One opens a door. The other slams it shut.

If this is new territory for you, here's a sequence that works:

Start by normalising it. Mention something you read or heard (hi, this newsletter counts). Frame it as mutual exploration, something you want to try together, not something you need because they're falling short. Talk about why it interests you. Name a specific intention, like "I want us both to feel more pleasure" or "I'm curious about what this could add." Remove the pressure around outcomes. And above everything, keep it playful.

The name is right there. Toys. They're meant to be played with.

One important thing: never introduce a toy during conflict, and if it stops being fun, pause. This isn't a performance. It's play. Laughter is welcome. Awkwardness is normal. There's no grade at the end.

A Quick Guide to What's Out There

If you've ever looked at a toy website and felt instantly overwhelmed, you're not alone. There are a lot of options! So let me simplify it.

For clitoral stimulation (which, remember, 83% of women need to orgasm), you've got bullets for targeted vibration and air puff technology which uses gentle suction. These are brilliant starting points.

For internal stimulation, G-spot toys are curved to hit the front vaginal wall and come in various motions: vibration, pulsing, thumping, even spinning. Dual action toys combine both clitoral and internal stimulation with separate motors so you can control each independently.

There are also couples toys that can be used solo or together (great if you're on a budget), and remote or app-controlled toys for when you want to add an element of surprise or explore long-distance intimacy.

My advice? Don't overthink it. Pick one or two options, not ten. Choose based on function and what your body actually needs, not packaging or marketing. Look for food-grade silicone (it's body-safe, easy to clean, and quieter). Rechargeable is better than battery-operated. And variable speed settings give you way more control than just a high/low switch.

The Bit That Matters Most

Here's what I want you to take away from all of this. Toys are not a sign that something is wrong. They're a sign that you care enough about your pleasure to support it.

Your body is allowed to change. Your needs are allowed to shift. And reaching for a tool that helps you feel good is one of the most self-loving things you can do.

Practice, not performance. Curiosity, not pressure. Play, not perfection.

Your Weekly Framework to Turn Yourself On

❓ One thing to try If you already own a toy, use it this week with zero agenda. No goal, no pressure to orgasm, no timeline. Just explore. Pay attention to what feels interesting, not just what feels "good." If you don't own one, spend 10 minutes browsing and notice what you're drawn to. Curiosity is the first step.

🗣️ Two questions to ponder What story have you been telling yourself about what it means to need "help" with pleasure? If you removed all shame from the equation, what would you want to try?

Love, Lexy 🧡

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