Tired of Feeling Like an Extra in Your Own Life?

dive back in: Ferly

read time: 5 minutes

Hi friends! 👋

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This Week’s Read…

The Silent Killer of Confidence (And How to Break Free)

You’re lying in bed next to your partner, staring at the ceiling. You had sex tonight, but it didn’t feel… good.

It wasn’t bad, exactly. But it wasn’t for you.

You went along with it because it was easier than dealing with the awkwardness of saying, Not tonight or I’d rather do something else. You told yourself it wasn’t a big deal.

But why does it feel like a big deal?

Because you abandoned yourself.

And this isn’t just about sex.

Think about all the times you:

• Said yes to a work request when your plate was already full.

• Laughed at a joke that actually hurt.

• Let a friend vent for an hour without ever getting a word in.

• Smiled and nodded when someone crossed a boundary, just to keep the peace.

Each time you ignore your own needs to make someone else comfortable, you chip away at your sense of agency—your ability to say, This is what I want. This is what I need. And I will honor it.

🚨 Why This Happens  

Many of us (especially women) were socialized to prioritize keeping the peace over asserting our needs. We’re taught that being “nice” is better than being honest. That not making waves is safer than standing in our truth.

But here’s the truth: you don’t need to be easygoing—you need to be YOU.

💡 What happens when you reclaim your agency?

Psychologists have found that people with a strong sense of agency report higher self-esteem, better sex, and deeper relationships—because they’re actively choosing experiences that reflect their real desires.

🎯 1 Thing to Try: The “Micro No” Challenge

For the next 24 hours, find one opportunity to put yourself first—even if it feels uncomfortable.

• Pause before answering a request and ask yourself: Do I actually want to do this?

• Say no to something small (a favor, a plan, a social obligation) that you don’t truly want.

• Set a micro-boundary (e.g., “I need a minute to think about this” instead of giving an instant yes).

👉 Why it works: Small moments of agency retrain your brain to value your own needs—without guilt.

💡 2 Questions to Ponder

1. Where in your life do you feel like a “passenger” instead of the driver?

2. What’s one way you could assert your agency this week?

📚 3 Content Recommendations

🎬 Watch: The Power of Vulnerability – Brené Brown on why boundaries are an act of self-respect. Watch here
🎧 Listen: Speak Your Mind Unapologetically Listen here
📖 Read: Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab – The go-to guide for fixing porous boundaries. Read here

💬 Food For Thought:

"Every time you say yes when you really mean no, you teach yourself that your needs don’t matter."

📢 Know someone who needs this? Forward this email to them. Let’s help more women reclaim their power.

Sent with pleasure,

Billie ✨

Personal Support

_{I’m Billie, a certified Holistic Health Coach, Sex Educator and author of a soon to be released sexual wellness manual with Penguin, TedX Speaker, and co-founder of Ferly (where we’ve helped 500,000 women nurture their most important relationships).}

_{I empower women to enjoy their sex lives, cultivate deeply nourishing relationships and find their power!}

_{How I can help you:}

✨ _{1:1 Coaching}

_{We’ll work together to cultivate a sex life you love and a relationship you’re excited by. I work in an evidence based way, drawing on the latest science. Our time together will be empowering, playful and transformative. Ready?}